


Risks

by Doombuggybabe



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAU team reader, Confessions, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:46:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doombuggybabe/pseuds/Doombuggybabe
Summary: Maybe Spencer was right. Maybe you had a death wish. But that didn't mean you wanted to lose him either.





	Risks

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all. 
> 
> I felt like writing some angst. I've been mad stressing about the final season of criminal minds. Did anyone catch up with the show?

Spencer was chasing after you as you walked away from the crime scene. You had shoved the EMTs off of you. Not physically of course but you got the hell off of that truck as soon as you could. You had some bruising on your face and your ribs but you were going to be fine. You outright refused to go to the hospital for observation.   
“Y/N!” He shouted as he caught up to your pace. Emily had already reprimanded you for being reckless and you were angry at yourself because you knew you were being reckless and you didn’t fucking care. It was personal where it shouldn’t have been. Maybe you shouldn’t be a profiler after all. Obviously, there were some situations you couldn’t analyze your way through. 

You hadn’t stalked off far enough when Spencer ran up to you and got right in front of you. 

“What the hell was that?” Spencer asked. You looked up at him, his eyes were furious with you. Spencer was not an angry man, of course, he occasionally got mad but the rage wasn’t a Spencer thing, it was a “you” thing. 

“I took a calculated risk.” 

“No, you took an unnecessary risk where you could’ve gotten killed.” You try to brush past him.   
“Spencer just stop it okay? I’m a little beat up but it’s fine. We caught the unsub, his daughter is safe. Done. We get to go home.” 

“No, it’s not fine. You ran off, ditched me and Rossi, and went into a situation where you could have been killed because you didn’t want to wait for backup.” 

“We both know he was going to kill her. I was fine with dying if it meant that wasn’t going to happen.” Spencer drops his jaw, his mouth left open unsure of what to say next. 

You try to go around him, you really need to cry and you don’t want Spencer to see it. 

“That’s it isn’t it? Your damn death wish.” 

“I don’t have a death wish.”

“The fuck you don’t.” 

You flinch at Spencer cursing, it’s something he doesn’t ever do.

“I know this case made you think of your father and everything that happened to you but that isn’t a reason to put yourself in danger. You should’ve stayed behind. It’s not even the first time you do something like this, you always go for the risk and jump the gun. Over 30 incidents with you ending up seriously injured. What did you think since your father didn’t kill you, you would do it yourself?” 

Your blood is boiling now. It feels like he slapped you. 

“You know what Spencer? You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. At least I take the risk rather than staying back and doing nothing at all. All you do is stay behind. You hide behind your brain as if it’s a substitute for having a life. At least I have a life to lose. You just hide behind your books pretending I’m the only one here with daddy issues.” I don’t mean it. I’m just spitting venom. I want him to hate me as I hate me. I want him to prove me right. 

He stretches his arms out in disbelief. Frustrated he runs his hand through his unruly hair. 

“Oh, you think I’m hiding? You’re the one that’s hiding Y/N. You constantly put yourself in danger, no regard for yourself at all. What are you so scared of? You act like you don’t care and you’re stronger than any of us and it’s all a lie. You’re terrified. You’ve been running your whole life scared everything your father ever told you was true. He told you that you were unloveable and now you refuse to let anyone try to love you. For four years I’ve seen you keep this team at a distance, forget about any man that tries to date you, you don’t even let it get that far. You would rather die than let this team love you for you. Because you hate yourself and you can’t see why we would love you. Why I would love you.” 

His eyes grow wide. He didn’t mean to say that. Your eyes are burning with tears. You hate him. You hate him because he’s right like always. You hate him because you love him more than you’ve ever loved anyone. You hate him because you can’t let him love you. You would ruin him. 

“Fuck you Spencer” You push past him and begin to run. You hear him chase after you. Stupid stupid boy. When is he going to figure out that you’re not worth it? Especially not when it comes to someone as amazing as Spencer. 

You get into the SUV and drive back to your hotel room. You left Spencer alone in the dark. You text Emily that you’re back in the hotel and that you’ll take the leave she mentioned. You’re just going to calm down and rent a car and drive back to Quantico. You can’t face the team right now. You shower and change into a large sweater, your damp hair clinging to you. Now that you’ve showered your bruises are becoming clearer and you realize you also have a cut on your cheek. 

You think about all the choices you’ve made tonight. Yes, you saved that girl and now the unsub her father will go to prison, she’ll be okay and go home to her mom. But you wonder if she’ll truly be okay? Were you ever okay? 

You finally allow yourself to cry. Spencer was right of course. You’ve always had a complete disregard for your wellbeing and in this job, it might end up killing you.   
A knock on the door cuts off your sob fest. You use your sleeve to wipe your tears, Emily is probably just checking on you after tonight’s debacle. 

You open the door, “Emily I’m so sorry about tonight”. But you look up and see Spencer standing before you.   
“Spencer” you breathe.   
Spencer brushes past you not waiting for you to let him in. You shut the door. 

You turn around to him, “You’re crying” he says. All the anger from earlier has faded away from his face. His eyes are soft again, the eyes you know. 

“Rough night I guess.”

You sit down on the bed and Spencer joins you. 

“I’m sorry” 

We both say it at the same time. 

“You were right,” you say. “I mean you’re always right but you were right about me… about everything. I was stupid and selfish.” 

Spencer moves to take your hand in his, “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I know that you’re hurting and sometimes it drives you to do something you shouldn’t. It wasn’t right for me to say those things to you.”

“Well, I shouldn’t have attacked you for saying the truth.”   
“I’m sorry,” We both say again. You both laugh slightly and you squeeze his hand. His large hand, warm in yours makes you feel safe. Safer than you’ve ever felt. You always feel safe with Spencer. 

You lay back on the bed and Spencer joins you. Your fingers intertwined with his, your bodies aligned. You think back to what he told you. That he loved you. 

“Did you mean it?” You ask. 

“Mean what?” 

“That you loved me” You whisper. 

Spencer’s cheeks turn pink. “I did. I mean I do love you”

You both turn slightly and face each other. He licks his lips and you catch him staring at your mouth. All you’ve wanted to do for four years was kiss Spencer Reid and that terrified you. 

You let go of his hand and he leans up off the bed. Your eyes dwell on his lips, they’re slightly chapped and perfectly Spencer’s. He gently caresses your face, with his hand resting on your cheek Spencer kisses you softly. You grab his collar pulling him closer, your heart racing and sparks flying. 

He breaks the kiss and you’re both grinning. Spencer lays back down and you put your head on his chest as he wraps his arms around you. 

“I’ve always loved you, Spence. More than anyone else in the world.” You whisper. Spencer kisses your forehead. 

Garcia is never going to believe this happened.


End file.
